SO this topic is something that I never had to deal with... for the past year I have been taking care of Marv. I mean i am paying the ALL the bills and when we go out I take the tab ALL the fucking time. I have Marv take me to work every day so she can take the car to look for a job... she has wireless Internet at home to search for jobs yet she has done nothing to help out around this place....still no damn job. I am over drawn on my Bank of America account and i owe my on my Visa...I wont even tell ya how much I owe....I told my girl Jackie that i wasn't gonna tell Marv about me struggling but she suggested that I do...Its something about people seeing me do bad that I try to cover up. Even if its the person that I'm with... I never like for people to see me sweat but I'm really sweating. SO I asked a good friend what should I do you know? I didn't want to bring it to her the wrong way...i know that money can be a touchy subject...even for me when I had it.
Here is how it all got started:
Last night Marv told me that she wasn't gonna take me to work...she wanted to sleep in. When she told me that we laughed it off and we had a good night. So this morning i had to be at work at 11 am so i rolled out the bed around 10 and straightened up the house alittle, i seen that Marv was still in the bed so i ask her to take me to work... SHE GETS A FUCKING ATTITUDE!!!! But she gets up and basically bitched all the way to the job.... so I get out of the car when we pulled up to Enterprise and jump out of the car without saying anything... she rushed off.... tired burning rubber in crap. THAT PISSES ME OFF!!! she tells me that she wanted to sleep in that's why she had a attitude but here's the deal ladies... my job is 10 mins away so there in back it would have taken her less than 30 mintues! SO 2 pm hits and she comes to get me... we get back to the house i start warming up food for us to eat out of the previous night. She puts on the basketball game...i ask her does she really want to watch the game because I'm really not into basketball...she starts to get upset with me. So i sit for awhile pulling my thoughts together.... should i say something to her? Should i let it slide...SO i text my friend just so i could get a second opinion. She says that i should say something.... SO i tell Marv that she has not been fair to us or me.... I go to work while she is at home sitting in the couch doing nothing. I told her that there are people that go to work, go to school, and play basketball.... its do-able but i told her that she is not putting in the work. Okay ladies here in the deal.... marv is not even into the damn season so WHY in the hell cant you take some time to get a damn job? Basketball practice ends at 4 o clock she only has night classes on tues and thurs so mon, wed, fri, sat and sun... perfect for a job huh? Well she started yelling at me saying that i dont appreciate what she has done for me and blah blah blah... i feel like that's nothing but an xcuse... she knows I appreciate what she does but i need more... hell she could have paid a bill for me on valentines day and I woulda been happy. I'm not big on VALENTINES DAY anywho so just a card would have been great for me but whatever. She has a way of making me feel like I'm in the wrong when i get ad at her... When we were talking she was rolling her eyes at me and acting like she didn't wanna hear what i had to say... SO i told her if you got a tude then you need to leave. I have come to realize that i cant help someone that wont help themselves.... in the end I'm bringing myself down. My mom is like you wouldn't take this shit from a man whit.... so why are you dealing with it with a woman. and as much as i hate to say it... she is right. Why am i taking this from her? I'm a full time student struggling to take care of me, marv, the bills, car note, and 2 dogs..... the cost of living is high! I feel like i have a fucking child.... I'm too young for this shit. Why does it seem like i always run into the ones that gives me problems???
There is this man that i use to work with at Enterprise. Marcus. He has graduated and works at a good job. NO KIDS he is pretty stable... and he wants me. he has been wanting me but I wont get with him.... i see something in Marv. I know what she can do....i just only wish that she sees what i do... Will she ever? Should i give her a deadline time? I did some calling around to see if i could get her a job...they called back but she wasn't around me. So marv will have to call him back on tues. I really hopes she gets this job...for her sake mostly. I have decided to cut things down... i cant afford it anymore...i just cant. Her things are by the door...in bags ready to be shipped out if things don't change. Hell i can do bad by myself..... so hey if shit don't get better you what? She is gonna have to get her shit...get her shit...and get out! But i do love her...i just don't love her enough to bring myself down anymore... no one is worth me struggling for if they not tryna help themselves.
I think love makes you act stupidly. Correction- love makes you act stupidly. No doubt about that. When the time is right, when you've had enough, you'll make the right decision for yourself and your own happiness. I'm going through the same thing right now, so I speak from experience.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with your friend though. You should tell her that you're struggling. Marv needs a reality check...
Friendship is about honesty right? Well I will be honest with you because I <3 you sis and want you to see things from another perspective. So dont get upset...
ReplyDeleteFirst, from reading your posts, I have noticed different people that you share your relationship issues with. Nothing wrong with that, but it just suddenly dawned on me: why are you upset with Marv for doing the same thing babe? Is it because of WHO she is talking about you to?
Secondly, I just realized that you have this social blog thing so maybe its okay to reevaluate Marv wanting that social network site. You are finding peace and contentment here where you post both you AND her business and receive responses (meaning its still a social network in a way). So its contradictory of us to feel that marv shouldnt be entitled to one also. I know it seems like she should have no reason not to be at peace when you are taking care of her but thats not necessarily true. Now the gay website may be a little different because it can involve people trying to initiate a bit more than conversation. Thats my only concern.
Finally: I would have been very very upset with you for making me take you to work that morning babe. I'll explain why. Just because Marv is in your house mooching and has no obligations to adhere to, doesnt mean that she is not a person or that she doesnt deserve your respect. In this certain situation, she showed hers by letting you know in advance her desires for the morning. Now if you feel like she doesnt deserve respect or doesnt deserve to have what she wants in this relationship, then you let her go. But you dont respond to your outlook on her by showing disregard for whats important to her. You cant use her not being "about something" as a way of walking over her and making your wants more important than hers. Thats not a relationship, thats a dictatorship. She didnt randomly wake up and say "babe, i dont feel like it". She was considerate and discussed this with you the night prior. For you to wake up and decide to take care of household chores instead of heading to work was a slap in her face and was inconsiderate. YES you ALWAYS do EVERYTHING in that house while she sits on her ass but that was one hell of a time to start cleaning and you know it. When you did that, you immediately put your wants over hers. Your actions said "fuck you marv, I did what I wanted to do this morning and now you need to get up and accomodate me. And furthermore Marv, because you dont contribute worth a damn to this relationship, you better get up and do it." You are her girlfriend whitsters, not her mother. But the way you scold her for her wrongdoings (whether she deserves it or not) makes it hard to tell. You cant keep scolding her and expect her to look at you as her wonderful gf and not her disgruntal mom. You digg what Im saying? You should know how Marv felt when you disregarded her request to sleep because she always disregards what you ask of her, right? And when she does, it rightfully upsets you. But a relationship is not about an eye for an eye. Dont do to her what you dont want done to you, she wont learn that way. If she doesnt get her shit together then she needs to go. But dont stoop down to devaluing her like she does you at times. And from personal experience, regardless of your job being 10 mins away or not...once you are awakened from your sleep its not the same to just go back, even when you try to go back. And I would have been so mad that I wouldnt have even wanted to go back to sleep. It doesnt seem like she has any worth to you sis. If she doesnt have any worth to you, let her go. But dont make her subject to your demands because of that (be them acceptable in your eyes or not).
ANYWAYS, if she didnt get you shit for Vday, we gotta talk, and you know why. lmao. girl we gotta talk! And your mom is SO right, you wont take this shit from a man whit so why are you dealing with it with a woman?!?! You need someone strong, thats for sure. someone capable. You hold yours down and def.need someone who holds theirs down. Maybe its not a bad idea to try this new guy. But dont cheat!
Oh...and you see something in Marv? What? Please tell me. Or maybe you should tell her-maybe tell her what you see in her, maybe she truly doesnt know and needs to hear it from her love. I know one thing, I dont believe in trusting in someones potential. My motto: never fall in love with someones potential...because what if they never reach it? I love the realization that you came to at the end of your blog. End of story. Hope you arent mad for me sharing my thoughts. Always share yours with me. Love you ALWAYS sista.